Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
