She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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