WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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