Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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