I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
