Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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