eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
