I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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