I didn't shave. On purpose
Small penises have feelings too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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