Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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