What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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