Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
