All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
