i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
