I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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