i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
