alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
