Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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