quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize