you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
