My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
