When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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