I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
