and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
