i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
