shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
