And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
