He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
