I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
