dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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