Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
