Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
