Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
