I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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