Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.

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(812): View more from Indiana

We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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(205): View more from Alabama

Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.

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(314): View more from Missouri

For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex

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(949): View more from California

I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?

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(240): View more from Maryland

Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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(509): View more from Washington

Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.

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