"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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