You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
