So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
