i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
