He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
