i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
