my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
