Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
