Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
