Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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