So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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