you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
