pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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