I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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