He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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