I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
