Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
