what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize