she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
