your thong is hanging out like whoa
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
