I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
