is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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