I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize