She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize