I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
