They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
