Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
