i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
