Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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