Four minutes until I can fart!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
