she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize