stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
