I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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