She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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