Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
