Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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