No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
