So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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