ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
