As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
