Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
