I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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