So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
