im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
