but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't turn off my feet"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
