He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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