my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
