Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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