this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
