I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
