My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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