I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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