I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
