i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
