I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
