My hair reeks of homosexuality.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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