So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize