I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
