Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
