Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
