my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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