bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
